Choose Decency
Decency. It’s something that is lacking in the dating world (and in general these days)—or at least that’s what I’ve experienced. People seem to forget that there is another human being with real feelings on the other end of the call or text. That person you connected with on the dating app deserves to be respected until they do something disrespectful to you.
The fact that ghosting is commonplace in online dating speaks to the lack of respect human beings have for each other. That other person was willing to meet you, agreeing to a location, date and time, so when they follow up on the day of as a courtesy to make sure you’re still good to go, don’t ignore them. Do you not have basic manners? This recently happened to me and I chalked it up to being grateful the douchebag didn’t waste any more of my time. And if there was an emergency, a simple text apologizing would have been the decent thing to do. That didn’t happen. Crickets.
If after meeting someone I don’t feel there’s a connection, I politely let them know it was nice to have met them but I don’t feel it’s a good match, and I wish them the best. This has always been well received and I’m treating them with the respect they deserve for carving out time to meet me in person, which isn’t always easy for everyone to do. It’s a risk. It’s vulnerability. It’s stepping into the unknown. You never really know what you are going to get when you sit in front of a stranger for the first time. Kudos to everyone who is trying to navigate the dating world today.
Even more recently I went out on a couple of dates with the same man. We mutually enjoyed each other’s company and had great, engaging conversations (my favorite). But there just wasn’t that extra spark or connection. Something felt like it was missing. Though we were just a few days away from plans to attend a musical, I wanted to give him the chance to take someone else if he so chose. For me, that was the decent thing to do. After we spoke, he told me he appreciated my candor and that he would still like for me to attend with him. We agreed that we saw the potential for a good friendship.
Nothing good ever comes from not extending kindness and respect to someone. In fact, you can often do more harm than good. You don’t know what that other person has gone through, how many times they have felt rejected, or what they have had to grow through to venture out into the dating world. Not that any of that is your responsibility, but what is your responsibility is to be a decent human being. It feels so much better to have the awkward or uneasy conversation with the other person, and be kind with your honesty. At least you can walk away knowing you did the right thing, even if the other person doesn’t respond well.
You can always make the right choice to be a decent, compassionate human being, whether it’s with regards to dating or not. No one wins when you decide not to be.
LYF 💖
REFLECTION: Is there a particular situation in which you can choose to be more decent in how you respond?
40 Weeks of Inspiration: Week 21
