Moving Through Walls
and Week 27 of 40 Weeks of Inspiration
Oh how those difficult, messy, I-want-to-run-in-the-opposite-direction choices that we are faced with can end up containing the very things that we need or want, but didn’t think we’d have to run across hot coals to obtain. Sometimes these decisions have a staring contest with us, daring us to look away. To try to avert that decision staring at us—looking straight through us—only increases the height and difficulty of that wall so that when it rises before us again, finally making the difficult decision is that much harder. It is always a choice—continue moving forward in avoidance of that wall trying to wish it away, or blast through it in making the decision it presents you with so that you can journey down a new path that was hidden behind it but were too damn scared to be curious enough about to try something new.
I’d like to think that I’m getting better in recognizing the walls that rise before me, daring me to look away again, and instead welcoming them and taunting them to bring it on. There have been too many to count. One of the biggest ones was deciding to move out of a state I had been in my entire adult life because I felt it had nothing left to offer me. While I was feeling this my dad passed away, leaving my mom alone in another state. Should I stay or should I go now? I packed up, loaded a small trailer, and towed my belongings to a new location that I knew would not be a permanent move for me. I had visited it enough to know that. But I got away from a place that knew how to swallow people’s souls whole, and started to find even more inner peace. Because of that decision I got something I had been dreaming of—a remote job. That big decision of leaving my comfort zone of a place I had lived in for so long, and taking a leap of faith that the right job would present itself while being without one for 3 months, opened the door to a remote job.
After living in New Mexico for 14 months, it was time to leave. Thankfully my remote job allowed me to easily move to Texas where I have a place all to myself, which I could have never done in California. I am more at peace and do not feel rushed in my daily life. I have more time to work on my projects and just be. I do not have a plan completely mapped out for what’s next, but with each difficult decision I’ve had to make, something amazing presented itself.
I’m still journeying down the new road that has been laid before me, without a map in hand. Though I do not know where my next destination is, or what may be hiding behind the next wall, I am grateful I didn’t choose to try to avert those walls, and instead chose to move through them to see what was beyond. I may still have doubts—a natural occurrence of life—but I am getting better at moving through them and seeing what unfolds.
REFLECTION: What wall is currently before you that you are trying to ignore?
40 Weeks of Inspiration: Week 27
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